Tag Archives: Relationships

The Wedding Countdown Part 2

The Happiness Within
Creative Commons License photo credit: Arghya a.k.a Orgho

23 days.

Things are looking up considerably from the last time I counted.

We have good friends who are getting married a week or so before we are, and talking to them makes me realise how very normal the pre-wedding crazies truly are.  It’s the balancing act of trying to stay completely calm to things out of our control (they also are getting married out of the country) and involved enough that the detail isn’t missed.  Less “balancing act” and more “bloody miracle”.

I wish I had the golden key to give but unfortunately I don’t.  I would however recommend not underestimating just how much time and emotional energy a wedding actually takes, and definitely marrying a man (or woman) who is exceptionally patient.  Remarkably so in my case.

We still don’t have the detail sorted.  The food is quasi-sorted.  As in we know we’re having some.  The flowers are almost there, as in “yes there will be flowers”.  The wine we are doing a mission for when we get there.  Not a moment too soon, but we’re getting there.

I love it when a plan comes together :)

The Proof Is In The Pudding

I would like to start this post with a disclaimer – not all posts on my mistakes in love have anything to do with the gorgeous man I’m engaged to.  This post does not.

This is a lesson I learned the hard way to such an extent that I’m still working on taking people at their word again.

That little niggling feeling when the gorgeous honey-slicked words don’t line up with the actions?  That’s not cynicism that’s wisdom.

There’s a big difference between a goofy well-intentioned partner who can’t quite pull it together on the much-anticipated date night and the one who doesn’t turn up until late that night, long after the promised pick-up time, with flowers, gifts and a story that could rival Gone With The Wind.

It’s easy to dismiss great big six-foot frantically waving red flags as ‘being over-emotional’.  On the flip-side, maybe you are.   Learning to trust my gut – and also learning to not act immediately on every gut notion – have been two of my greatest lessons in both love and business.  Learning to trust with eyes wide-open maybe.

If you’re just not sure give it time… the proof is always in the pudding.

The People-Pleasing Disease

Maybe it starts at school, or maybe it comes from getting ice cream when you do good things.

Who knows, but many of us are plagued most of our adult lives with the people-pleasing disease.

It’s easy to catch and hard to cure.

When I was gigging (in my youth : ) I discovered that the key to not constantly being deflated is to not focus on the one person scowling whilst the other 99 clap and enjoy themselves.  Funny how something in us can’t let go of the one person who just doesn’t like us.

In online/digital promotion there is a rule of thumb; 10% will love you, 10% will hate you, and 80% will be positive in sentiment.  The key is to not drain your resources and energy on the 10% that will never be happy.  Acknowledge them, thank them for their feedback and move on.

I’m convinced that if we take the same rule of thumb and apply it to our lives things would be much more straight forward.  If we factor in 10%  of the people in our worlds to never be our greatest fans, then maybe we can embrace their place as just that – the 10% – and focus on the other 10% who ARE our greatest fans, and the 80% who “Like me  – Yes they really like me  (Sally Field).

Or possibly it’s something deeper in learning to set my own expectations of myself, to decide for myself what is my best, and hold myself accountable to my own standards, not someone elses’.  The only real obstacle between me and greatness isn’t my critic but myself.

Or, possibly, it’s a deep-down desire simply to please people in hopes of getting more ice cream.  If in fact that is the case, I’d suggest you just buy your own.