The 5 Love Languages

 

This week I’ve been learning about Love Languages.  If you’ve never had the chance, “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is worth a read.

Leo (my fiance) and I have been attending a marriage prep course for the past 4 weeks.  It’s raised a few “discussions with purposes” (previously know as domestics) since then.  All part of the learning curve : )

So my love language is quality time.  I for some reason in believing I know my other half sooo well assumed (ass out of u and me) that his was too.

Nope.  His is gifts.  I’m now racking my brains for the last time I bought him a gift –  I’ve got nothing.

Oh. Except the Christmas present that I got him last year that he promptly left on the floor and that is the source of a number of our disagreements.  Crap.

An hour later we are sitting with our completed exercise sheets on “3 ways we are going to look to show love to the other this week  in their love language” and I can see top of his list “arrange a date night” (nice – the last one he arranged was when he proposed 6 months ago).  Good call, that was definitely a “discussion with a purpose” brewing.

I then glance down at my own:

  1. Surprise Leo with a thoughtful gift  (Check – piece of cake.)
  2. Buy a thoughtful birthday present (lucky for me I needed to do that this week)
  3. Make a surprise for Leo – maybe bake something (Who am I kidding?????  When is the last time you even cooked much less baked????)

It is at this point that I realize this relationship stuff may take a little more effort….

People: Your Greatest Asset

It’s easy to get so focused on the task that you can’t see the woods for the trees.

I’m learning to stop, breathe and ask the person just arriving in to the office Monday morning ‘how their weekend was?’ even though my task list and meeting agenda are both screaming at me for my undivided attention.  I’m learning that you don’t build a business on completed task lists and a record in meetings held.

John Maxwell once famously quoted “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”.  People don’t give their all, go the extra mile, work passionately and with integrity for a leader or a business that doesn’t give a rip about their weekend.  Or their new boyfriend. Or anything else that matters to them.

Deciding to spend 15 (whole!) minutes each day asking some of my team about their evenings, their holiday plans, their new engagements has done more than just give value to my team.  It’s given me an insight in to them, them as people, not just employees.   The people are the ones who will get stuck in with me when the times get tough, when we’re out of ideas and time, when we’re down to our last option and it doesn’t look good.  The people are the ones who buy in to the vision, believe we can do it, and give their all to make it happen.  Nameless employees, on the other hand, arrive on the dot, leave on the dot, have their complete 60 minutes for lunch, do what is required and nothing more, never dream, never take risks, never become key players.

Amazing what can happen when you realise people are your greatest asset.

Love

Ah.. I could write a book on what not to do in love.

Maybe I’ll start small and get to the bigger stuff later on in.  So lesson #1 – don’t project all the anger you have for all the others that have gone before on to the poor puppy-eyed shell-shocked man who is currently stood in front of you thinking who-the-hell-are-you-and-where-is-the-pretty-girl-from-the-1st-date?

On  the flip-side – if he doesn’t run a mile he might be the one.

Friends and Business

The bad idea that working with friends can be

Friends and Business

Those who have been there are most likely to cringe at the mention of ‘friends and business’.  Or maybe you’re one of the blessed few who have embarked on this journey and survived…?

In my first real management job overseeing a team of almost 50 staff I thought it would help turn the somewhat negative atmospheric tables by bringing in 8 staff who were also people I trusted from my personal world. HUGE mistake.  Not because of my friends, but my own inability to manage friends like employees.

Ask yourself these questions when considering working with a friend:

  • Do I believe that my friend will be honest with me at all times?
  • Do I think it’s unnecessary to get all agreements in writing due to the strong relationships I have with my friend?
  • Is my friend sometimes unreliable in keeping their word? (though of course they would be different in a work environment)
  • Do I believe that love conquers all?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions I would suggest you seriously consider NOT working with your friend.

What Not To Do In Love & Business

Chief Mistake-Maker

 

 

I have a tendency to learn things the hard way.  Possibly I should give up trying to educate myself altogether and focus on making more mistakes so I’ll learn more quickly.

This blog is for all of you out there that either can learn from another’s mistakes, or who might be encouraged to know that they’re not the only one…